watching marstahsheff

The Chocolate Room with Miss Chu

"You look like a little rat"
: (

LOOK AT THESE SHOES by far the funniest things I've seen this week

This coming week I will embrace mud crab and pandan cakes!

can I have my job back

"According to Aristophanes in Plato's The Banquet, in the ancient world of legend there were three types of people. In ancient times people weren't simply male or female, but one of three types : male/male, male/female or female/female. In other words, each person was made out of the components of two people. Everyone was happy with this arrangment and never really gave it much thought. But then God took a knife and cut everyone in half, right down the middle. So after that the world was divided just into male and female, the upshot being that people spend their time running around trying to locate their missing half." 

Haruki Murakami Kafka on the Shore

I love this idea of how people might have been once, if you stop to think about how much sense it makes when the person you thought was your other half turns out not to be - the betrayal and disappointment because you're not their other half, either. And we pass through life like we do when we shop for fruit, picking up apples that look how apples should look, until we return home only to realise that it's rotten from the inside out when we cut it open. And so back we go, when we can be bothered or when we're out of anything left to sustain us, and the search begins again. But you don't want apples if you're a popcorn machine - you want corn. Only you don't know what you want or what you need because you don't know who you are.

I feel as though ignorance isn't something we can be legitimately frustrated about when we view it through our self-appointed intellectual eyes. Sometimes a piece of writing can make one realise that there is a house outside of the room they've been holed up in, a neighbourhood surrounding that house and an entire nation and world beyond that. And I'm not going to be pretentious and publicise my interest in and knowledge of Objectivism, mainly because I understand as much about the topic as I know that there is cheese in Tasmania. But the ability to submerge yourself in the beauty of its words and visions is more than I can say for the mundane yet highly relevant (apparently) world of marketing.

highlight of my week

Unable to hear the right lyrics anymore

do you sleep like a spoon?

It's all just a crazy, beautiful meeting of sorts, thinking about how feelings and experiences become the essence and inspiration for music, which in turn affects people in the most incredible of ways, sparking a whole new generation of emotions involving millions of different people who will never meet one another or have the chance to ignite amazing relationships, romantic or otherwise.

I think I'd have a better chance of success following in the Korean Seventh Day Adventist closet-rock-band-drummer footsteps of Lane Kim with these knitting needles than actually doing any knitting at all. Casting on .. YOUR FACE SHOULD CAST ON.

Sometimes I think that the entire corporate world is a well-kept secret, that behind the millions of frosted glass security swipe-your-ID-card-here doors there really is nothing but coffee breaks and water cooler conversations and should I be sleeping with someone from the office? And they employ little men from Mars that scuttle around doing work and refilling paper and toner whilst these corporate giants take all the credit for it.

warm my bones

"Promises are meant to be broken, and people are only surprising when they aren't disappointing you. When you're young, you think things get better as you get older. But the truth is you just get better at dealing with them."

- Carly Cristman 

Yes, she's a makeup guru on Youtube, but she speaks the truth! I can't express how much mediocrity seems to be the norm, and at any given moment things are either bad or worse. Disappointment and delays occur on a daily basis, but at least it isn't disease and death we're dealing with. (Wow I didn't even mean for that to happen.) Are we missing all that the world has to offer by zooming in on what it lacks? It's never "I'm happy with what I have", it's "Why don't I have enough? Why can't I have what she has? Damn I should have ordered the veal." We can dream, we're encouraged to, but the fantasies which bring most fulfillment are completely unattainable. If you 'believe in yourself' it's been said to help, but I always feel as though it'd jinx your chances and you've got to act nonchalant, and not let the universe know what you really want in case they won't let you have it.

This may seem like a negative post, but in truth it's the opposite! Really :)

Happiness isn't happiness without a violin-playing goat

don't hate me but ...

I LOVE YOU. (Like, I don't even know what went down between photo #1 and #2.)

BOUNCY BOUNCY

I've put it down to a medical disorder that does not allow me to focus, at any given time, on the task which clearly holds the top slot of my priorities folder that is stacked like Jenga in my head (though it's nearing the end and there are way too many holes like the osteoporotic, calcium-deficient bones of an 85 year old).

One week - that's plenty of time!

Two days - that's even more time than one week!

24 hours - I'll come back from work then have dinner then watch Masterchef then Gilmore Girls then F.R.I.E.N.D.S then Youtube ... Then rearrange all the folders in My Documents by name, size, type and modified - just for laughs!

8 hours - who needs 8 hours when I have paté and WATERTHINS FINE WAFER CRACKERS PEPPER & CHIVES?

5 hours - I brushed my teeth in the shower so that I wouldn't eat, but then I had my snack (see above) and think I need to get me some TEA!

And this is where we're at now. Sorry, never be in my group for uni. 

presence*

We get together with people because they're the same or because they're different, and in the end we split with them for exactly the same reasons.

- Nick Hornby Juliet, Naked

This is so simply put, and yet boy does it contain as many seeds to grow rants as there are Christians in the world. It's like how when you're friends with somebody, their ticks and quirks and annoying-as-hell habits evaporate, yet when you realise they used your eraser without asking or sat with a girl you hate at little lunch, all of a sudden there is nothing you want more than to spread endless amounts of cream cheese on their face.

There is little that I find harder to achieve in life than unconditional love, yet that is contradictory in itself because anything unconditional shouldn't be hard work. It shouldn't be pressured or reckoned with, it shouldn't be like trying to fit a two tonne boulder through a pasta machine (which, admittedly, I sometimes feel happens in relationships). 

So you pride yourself on finding someone who shares the same interests as yourself, same taste in music, same appreciation for films that you enjoy and have similar goals in life, career or otherwise. But the fights begin, and suddenly you can't stand that they know you better than you know yourself, or that they can predict what will make you fly off the handle and be more accurate than the FIFA World Cup octopus. And everything about them becomes a catalyst for you to despise them, and put it down to "our personalities were just too similar". So then what? If it doesn't work out, and you've put in all the effort you feel it deserves or that you're capable of, do you fix it all in your mind by reassuring yourself that you'll find it with somebody else? What if you don't?

And that's the most frightening bit of all. It's not losing what we have right now, whether it's "it" or not - it's what if we don't?

* A MILLION GOLD STARS FOR YOU

glisten

So beautiful. Splish splash.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMi7j5ie0Wk&feature=BFa&list=AVGxdCwVVULXfZL-BVKvDNqzoNGFyyMAnz&index=48

underneath the sycamore

People always complain that love hurts. I can imagine that falling in love might hurt, because anything which involves falling would generally induce some form of pain. But love is great. Or I at least assume so, because it's what we all strive for in one way or another, isn't it? Love doesn't hurt. Disappointment hurts. Expectations not being met hurts. Lack of trust hurts, and shitheads disguising themselves as princes certainly hurts.

But so much of the time, it isn't even these things which causes the greatest amount of pain. It's the bruised ego, the "Oh fuck, well that trumps all of the stupid things I've heard and believed through the years", it's the humiliation that makes you bury yourself under layers of quilts and mull over all the good reason that flew out the window once you heard "Yes".

You then convince yourself that it's not love, it never was, you're too young to understand love, people can go through life without ever experiencing it. But in reality, it's whatever you wish for it to be. Some people look at green and see blue. To me, they're stupid, but maybe they really do see blue. And unless I have the ability to swap eyeballs, then it is what it is. (NB: It happens with blue and purple, too.) So the denial is only a result of the process of losing what you thought you had ... Or didn't have. At least I know my love for fries will never fade.

To get you all through the rest of the week!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YGth7aSd0EM

walk my way

A long period of special inquiry is required to arrive even at a valid hypothesis. This does not stop the amateur psychologizers. Armed with a smattering not of knowledge, but of undigested slogans, they rush, unsolicited, to diagnose the problems of their friends and acquaintances. Pretentiousness and presumptuousness are the psychologizers invariable characteristics: he not merely invades the privacy of his victims’ minds, he claims to understand their minds better than they do, to know more than they do about their own motives … The harm he does to his victims is incalculable. People who have psychological problems are confused and suggestible; unable to understand their own inner state, they often feel that any explanation is better than none.

- Ayn Rand

missing: baby hat

I should have mentioned these during the evaluation today! Happy times before my hormones turned me into the angry midget I appear to be. I really do like you, promise ...




You amaze me

cosmic love

Things that I am incapable of:

- Maintaining consistency
- Blowing my nose with one hand
- Tolerating stupidity ("Afghanistan seems like they always have wars going on hehe" toolbox in my class at uni, you know who I'm talking about)
- Leaving people alone (ie. pushing them like a button, beeping like a reversing truck)
- Finishing a meal without feeling like a freshly rolled sleeping bag
- Steaming silky coffee milk

Things that infinitely frustrate me:

- Inconsistency
- Lack of personal space
- Ragged cuticles
- Not being able to recall where I've previously seen TV extras
- Crooked frames that I'm unable to straighten in public areas for fear that the staff will accuse me of attempting to steal

I'd forgotten about this photo! I haven't used this word in a long time, but I really do look spastic.

let's go home

Everyone on earth has a treasure that awaits him. We, people's hearts, seldom say much about those treasures, because people no longer want to go in search of them. We speak of them only to children. Later, we simply let life proceed, in its own direction, toward its own fate. But, unfortunately, very few follow the path laid out for them - the path to their Personal Legends, and to happiness.

If good things are coming, they will be a pleasant surprise. If bad things are, and you know in advance, you will suffer greatly before they even occur ... The fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself.

- The Alchemist Paul Coelho

The burden of tomorrow and the pain of yesterday ensures that the present will never be treated the way it should be. When you're consumed in a moment, caught in the melody of a song or the beauty of an amazing landscape, you're never happier than you are at that point in time. It feels like for a minute or so, your mind is free with clarity, which some people achieve through meditation but which always leads my mind along the path of "Black; with my eyes closed all I see is black; some call it a colour but some people define it as a tone; now I'm thinking of rainbows, except the violet stripe doesn't really exist" and you can imagine how it goes on. But this is how it plays out every single time, as predictable and Turkish delight and Belgian dark chocolate.

What's in the box?

Dance dance dance

Also, words fail to express how AMAZING this is. And because I'm not a heartless person who steals, kudos to Jess Loves Fred!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=EyARHscb8mU&feature=player_embedded

Ponyfish

So apparently I give into the head tilt despite being shot by a photographer with 20+ years of professional experience. This little outing actually made me realise what awfully tense mouth muscles I have. Is my discomfort captured accurately enough? This trip was shorter than my bus ride to uni on Monday which took 75 minutes ...

Featuring the person who more or less got me to where I am today!






I love puffed oats. Like, a lot. I bet there's a Facebook Appreciation Group dedicated to them. There should be some sort of milk substitute that keeps your cereal crunchy. I have faith that scientists will work it out in the next 5 years or so. Until, for me, breakfast becomes JUST RIGHT.

two tales

When I die, I want to have subconsciously shared so much of myself with someone that they'd be able to write a book about what I was like, what my face became when I felt bored or disgusted or over the moon. I want someone to know all the ins and outs, how my face always found the crevice where the arm met the back of the couch when I napped, how I would get up in the middle of the night despite the cold if I could hear the shower dripping, how I preferred to sit facing the back on trains, how I hated my iPod to be set to shuffle. I don't know whether or not people memorise the details of those around them. It's what separates reality from fiction. Narrators in stories cannot get enough all that signifies less than nothing, and yet in reality when people die, those left behind kick themselves for not remembering their last hug, last kiss, last laugh. I want someone to look back and remember the things I did which made them want to flick me off the face of the Earth out of utter irritation, and the things I said which made them feel the way nobody ever could and ever would.

"It's not Mak Mak"

Monica: "What if I was still fat? You wouldn't be dating me, that's for sure."
Chandler: "Sure I would."
Everyone: "Oh, yeah, right. Really...."
Chandler: "What? You guys really think I'm that shallow?"
Ross: "No, I just think Monica was that fat."

the end's not near

The end is so far away I can't even see it from where I'm sitting on my computer chair that mother always adjusts way too low down. Today I accidentally cut myself and bled all over the Sportsgirl counter whilst serving customers, hehe. I think someone took home a sweater with my DNA on it. Apparently I cannot begin an assignment til my hair is completely dry and oh hey, what a great time to clean up the mess on my table that took months to create! I have a bundle of yellow fur on my lap, and a cup of tea on my desk .. And I tell myself, time and again, that I will end this abusive relationship that does not even provide me with the slightest amount of self-satisfaction. You and your stupid gummy desks and crappy over-priced food and your bus lines, OH MY BANANAS YOUR BUS LINES, it's like that thing with the Chinese people and if they walked in a line the line would never end because that is how fast they procreate over there, and moreover it's so eerily ironic because 90% of UNSW students must be Chinese. This is going nowhere.