Dance dance dance

Also, words fail to express how AMAZING this is. And because I'm not a heartless person who steals, kudos to Jess Loves Fred!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=EyARHscb8mU&feature=player_embedded

Ponyfish

So apparently I give into the head tilt despite being shot by a photographer with 20+ years of professional experience. This little outing actually made me realise what awfully tense mouth muscles I have. Is my discomfort captured accurately enough? This trip was shorter than my bus ride to uni on Monday which took 75 minutes ...

Featuring the person who more or less got me to where I am today!






I love puffed oats. Like, a lot. I bet there's a Facebook Appreciation Group dedicated to them. There should be some sort of milk substitute that keeps your cereal crunchy. I have faith that scientists will work it out in the next 5 years or so. Until, for me, breakfast becomes JUST RIGHT.

two tales

When I die, I want to have subconsciously shared so much of myself with someone that they'd be able to write a book about what I was like, what my face became when I felt bored or disgusted or over the moon. I want someone to know all the ins and outs, how my face always found the crevice where the arm met the back of the couch when I napped, how I would get up in the middle of the night despite the cold if I could hear the shower dripping, how I preferred to sit facing the back on trains, how I hated my iPod to be set to shuffle. I don't know whether or not people memorise the details of those around them. It's what separates reality from fiction. Narrators in stories cannot get enough all that signifies less than nothing, and yet in reality when people die, those left behind kick themselves for not remembering their last hug, last kiss, last laugh. I want someone to look back and remember the things I did which made them want to flick me off the face of the Earth out of utter irritation, and the things I said which made them feel the way nobody ever could and ever would.

"It's not Mak Mak"

Monica: "What if I was still fat? You wouldn't be dating me, that's for sure."
Chandler: "Sure I would."
Everyone: "Oh, yeah, right. Really...."
Chandler: "What? You guys really think I'm that shallow?"
Ross: "No, I just think Monica was that fat."

the end's not near

The end is so far away I can't even see it from where I'm sitting on my computer chair that mother always adjusts way too low down. Today I accidentally cut myself and bled all over the Sportsgirl counter whilst serving customers, hehe. I think someone took home a sweater with my DNA on it. Apparently I cannot begin an assignment til my hair is completely dry and oh hey, what a great time to clean up the mess on my table that took months to create! I have a bundle of yellow fur on my lap, and a cup of tea on my desk .. And I tell myself, time and again, that I will end this abusive relationship that does not even provide me with the slightest amount of self-satisfaction. You and your stupid gummy desks and crappy over-priced food and your bus lines, OH MY BANANAS YOUR BUS LINES, it's like that thing with the Chinese people and if they walked in a line the line would never end because that is how fast they procreate over there, and moreover it's so eerily ironic because 90% of UNSW students must be Chinese. This is going nowhere.

untitled

My appallingly unsuccessful, blurry attempt to say Japan - please don't go.

Nagoya, 2007 - GOOD TIMES.

sheer brilliance

'Man's basic vice, the source of all his evils, is the act of unfocusing his mind, the suspension of his consciousness, which is not blindness, but the refusal to see, not ignorance, but the refusal to know. Irrationality is the rejection of man's means of survival and, therefore, a commitment to a course of blind destruction; that which is anti-mind, is anti-life.

"Productive work" does not mean the unfocused performance of the motions of some job. It means the consciously chosen pursuit of a productive career, in any line of rational endeavour, great or modest, on any level of ability. It is not the degree of a man's ability nor the scale of his work that is ethically relevant here, but the fullest and most purposeful use of his mind.'

And this one is for you, the one to whom I owe many a hazelnut latte and salads full of avocado and other mushy foods:

'If some men do not choose to think, but survive by imitating and repeating, like trained animals, the routine of sounds and motions they learned from others, never making an effort to understand their own work, it still remains true that their survival is made possible only by those who did choose to think and to discover the motions they are repeating. The survival of such mental parasites depends on blind chance; their unfocused minds are unable to know whom to imitate, whose motions it is safe to follow. They are the men who march into the abyss, trailing after any destroyer who promises them to assume the responsibility they evade: the responsibility of being conscious.'

- Ayn Rand; genius, Objectivist and exquisite author of many a book, including The Virtue of Selfishness

sadness is my boyfriend

I have decided on a male baby name, Cooper, even though my child will inevitably grow into a non-baby with time. I am very tired and there are socks that have been sitting on my table waiting to be worn for over two weeks - tomorrow will be the day. She started it! Picking blistered skin hurts. Basket; basket-maker; guy who didn't bring enough money. I'm three and a half months in with a roti baby. TEFL/TESL please be my friend. These books are so dense. I cut myself a fringe. I miss Jessica Chu. MY FRIEND IS AN AWARD-WINNING POET! Will I be missed?

admit it, just admit it!

Who wants to play SPIN THE BOTTLE?!

Spin the bottle.

(Okay, so this is supposed to move, like a jif or a gif or a G6 .. but it's not. Life sucks.)

today, tomorrow

Pelvic pain
Suspender tights
Lunch no thank you's
Sliding horizontally across stairs
Wrinkly blisters resembling baby possums
I could walk down these stairs of words happily

Backspace - dislike
Lifts that are out of order
Mouldy bread (mouldy peaches)
"You looked like you had the shits"
Not knowing if you're more embarrassed or ashamed
A community of unwanted hairs congregating on the sofa
Dance dance dance, grind grind grind, fun fun fun, sun sun sun

MRP high 5
This is so you!
That's sad, don't ever say that again

so i don't venterator you, you don't venterator me

This makes me teary, every single time.

"No, you don't get it. I need it to be over, I need it to be over, because I can't take this anymore. Yes, I love Luke, and yes, I wanted to marry Luke, but I didn't want a life separate from Luke and that's all he could give me. I don't want that. If I'm gonna be with Luke, I want to be with Luke and he didn't get it, and I waited, God, I waited. It's like Luke is driving a car, okay, and I just wanna be in the passenger seat, but he's locked the door and, so I have to hold onto the bumper. You know, I'm not even asking him to open the door for me, just leave it unlocked, and say come in, but no he - he didn't do that. So, I'm hanging onto the bumper, and life goes on and the car goes on and I get really badly bruised, and I'm hitting potholes, and it hurts, I mean it hurts. So yesterday I had to let go of the bumper, because it hurts too much - it hurts too much."

Snakes, snakes, snakes on a plane, relentless snakes, snakes on a plane! [Fist smacking palm all the while, love it].

Feliz Cumpleaños!

Have I mentioned that I love you A LOT?! Happy 21st!

ten minutes (in your pants)

I like the person I become when I'm travelling - curious, exhilarated and eager (something I never am, apart from on my resume). It has a way of bringing out the best in me, a personality that is hindered when faced with too much familiarity. I am able to enjoy solitude to an even greater extent, discover you don't have to be lonely when you are alone. To be free of petty obligations and the expectations that come hand in hand with social responsibilities that I could all too quickly release a number two on. Things suddenly seem more achievable, more within reach; even if we have yet to establish what it is that we are dreaming of. And that's why there is joy in discovering new ways to bring about an abundance of happiness in your life. For some, smiles lie in the simple things. But for others, there is no venturing beyond the superficial and that which, to me, resembles fish scales. And all I want to do is scrape it all away, but something tells me that sooner or later I will fail to care about the emotional capacity and catalysts of happiness of others. Because we're all too busy trying to figure it out for ourselves, and we all hit a point where we realise that genuine consideration is impossible to extend to all, and purely reserved for those whom we deem to be deserving. Good things in life should never be, and never are, forced.

It's so dissatisfying to come across as something other than what we wish to portray - but more importantly, how we really are (or believe to be. I also cannot pinpoint my obsession with discussing this issue, but probably because I have time and again failed at this in reality and am somehow trying to redeem myself.) We retrace our steps and our words with the knowledge and regret that opportunities to display our innermost selves were responded with half-hearted attempts to not only establish almost two decades of background, but to make it known that we are aware that the next two decades to come will be affected by this past. Then again, people are constantly either choosing to reminisce or trying to forget the past, neither of which do us any good or aid the problem currently at hand.

smish smash

Is there such a thing as too much leopard?


HAY FRIEND

I SAID HALF-HALF

What is this obsession we all have with seeking answers to the unknown and confirming the obvious? I cannot fathom how great an amount of destruction must be to result in a change of pace for us all, to interrupt the cycle of life as we know it. For something out of this world, and of our minds. Things are supposed to be, expected, predicted, assumed. We have and we share disappointments, surprises, grief. Irrespective of nationality, age, gender, we go through the same assembly line processes as millions of others without the realisation that we do. And what we believe makes us unique makes those millions think the exact same thing. Everything we do, the lives we lead, are so in sync with everyone around us that they become not only our bearings but also our limits, whether or not they are apparent. The only answers we can give are in the form of a passcode, or a pill, despite their lack of effectiveness. If only we could live without answers, but that would mean living without questions, without our minds ticking the way that they do.

baobabs

I often find myself thinking about how horrible post-natal depression would be, but more than that (sorry very community channel of me) how awful it would be if there was nothing more than what we know. Humanity through the years has constantly been trying to better their current surroundings, through technology and transport and ways to efficiently go about our daily lives doing as little as possible. And yet, what if there was nowhere further to go? What if science didn't exist and fire could only be created by rubbing sticks together like a drummer who'd had one too many? What if there was no such thing as a circle, and nobody with the brain capacity to conjure up the idea of a circle, so wheels couldn't be invented? I have so much respect for those that got so entirely fed up with telegrams and watching the behinds of horses. Although you could probably fall back on how 'curiosity is a part of human nature' a large majority of the world could probably (and do) care less and if they stopped caring maybe the iPhone 4 would be the end of it. But of course, it's not. How frustrated would you be if you knew that there could be (and probably is) more but you couldn't find the means to prove that there was? I'd be shitting bricks.

hello goodbye

SHUT UP!

Mine, now. Best thing I've seen so far this year.

shut the door, have a seat

"Peggy, can you get me some coffee?"
"No."

I have no idea why this episode had such an impact on me. LOVE IT.

Sweltering heat. $5.50 vintage silk scarves. Crotches that jingle. Be careful be careful be careful! Tea that refuses to stay within the confines of its cup. Yes Harry, it's room 435. Walls falling off of walls. I want a Joan Holloway Barbie even though I never supported Mattel as a child, and I absolutely hate plastic toys.


Bust is nowhere near doing Christina Hendricks any justice whatsoever.

yearning to get out

I want a cottage with lots of windows that are square eyes in the wall, but not so many that leaving the house and locking up becomes tedious to the point that I will not bother to leave at all in fear that leaving one lock undone will result in my returning home to a home that is no longer mine. I want lots of couches - a low one with good back support for reading with a footstool to match, and one for afternoon naps which has just the right amount of squish, and one that can be easily vacuumed when I leave my Dorito crumbs all around me after a good Gilmore marathon. I have always been really into secret compartments, storage areas that don't look like storage areas at all and secret staircases hidden behind bookshelves Narnia-style. I like ledges below windows that are cushioned like the one in Friends where Rachel sits and looks out at the rain while the radio plays "With or Without You". I'm a fan of holes in walls that are like a ready-made shelf to showcase a fraction of your life. I would really like a place that is all white with high ceilings and a staircase in the middle of the lounge that leads up to a loft like an indoor balcony. I wish I could be minimalistic and settle for the "less is more" mentality but I always want more, even if it makes me sick, "Would you like to upgrade to a Venti?" YESSSS. I really like collecting mugs.

i have foundation on my shirt

"We can tell what is important in our life not by what we get out of it but by what we are willing to give up for it." -MM


".. if we are willing to risk a new way of living, to abandon the paralysis of analysis and make our commitment an unconditional one."

Like most things in life, easier said than done.

Photos by my beloved Chuster.