ick schmick

When you wrestle your way onto public transport and plonk yourself between a heavyset middle-aged European widow and a bearded man with a questionable smell lingering on the remains of his clothing, you forfeit all rights to personal space and any possible level of comfort. There's little that can be done to avoid the wispy cobweb-esque hair of the foreigner seated next to you brushing your forearm, rocking back and forth racked by silent giggles as you glare at their backpack covered in cupcakes and frogs and wonder what could possibly be funnier than throwing them into quicksand. We are (or at least I am) set an Everest on a daily basis, to push thoughts of contracting skin diseases or gastro out of our minds. I am by no means Emma Pillsbury - I live by the 5 second rule - but CityRail is known as ShittyRail for a very valid reason.

toddler talk

You represent the bungee cord which brings everything back to comfort, familiarity, all that you needed to delve deep to even recall once more. A memory, a state of being, a time which you both despise and hold dear to your heart. But there is always more than meets the eye, peering through those first impressions - the fear is that it isn't adequate in meeting your expectations, those both feasible and completely irrational. It is all good and well to have hopes, fantasies, dreams both inconceivable and within grasp. And the best is only experienced when you have absolutely everything to lose. You are given the opportunity to appreciate, not the superficiality, but the soul, the inner workings of what causes movement, emotion, inspiration, satisfaction. Consciously or not, we are striving for an equilibrium in our lives, and those intent on searching for life's meaning are realising all too late that they are missing out on the journey life itself is. Where does one find the lever to stop analysing, calculating consequences, preparing and predicting for what we believe is ahead? The best we can do is search within ourselves to define all that we are able to. Are we even remotely close to understanding ourselves, through self-appointed descriptions and analogies and comparisons? Perception is unique for everyone, and it teeters on the brink of humorous how we constantly misinterpret one another and, as a result, cause conflict neither party wants to resolve.

I know you were looking, but what were you looking for?

Maybe I am on the path to love, and maybe I will learn many things along the way. So here are some thoughts (though they are not my own) -

"The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love. It may look paradoxical to you, but it is not. It is an existential truth: only those persons who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core of the other person - without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other, without reducing the other to a thing, and without becoming addicted to the other. They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know that if the other leaves, they will be as happy as they are now. Their happiness cannot be taken by the other, because it is not given by the other.

Then why do they want to be together? It is no longer a need; it is a luxury. Try to understand it. Real persons love each other as a luxury; it is not a need. They enjoy sharing: they have so much joy; they would like to pour it into somebody. And they know how to play their life as a solo instrument. The solo flute player knows how to enjoy his flute alone. And if he comes and finds a tabla player, a solo tabla player, they will enjoy being together and creating a harmony between the flute and the tabla. Both will enjoy it: they will both pour their richness into each other."

From Being in Love

by Osho

Pyrenees Mountains, South France
Not jealous at all ...